


Faithless

by icecreamnana



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M, Jeno has issues, Light Sexual Content, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Therapy, Toxic Relationships, realistic ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21597964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icecreamnana/pseuds/icecreamnana
Summary: There’s only one thing standing in the way of Jaemin and Jeno being together:their girlfriends.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 65





	Faithless

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise to Yeri and Yeeun in advance

The first time Jaemin met Jeno was at his own engagement party. His fiancé had talked a great deal about her best friend over the years, and he’d met her a few times. She’d been so excited that her best friend had a long time boyfriend now, and she desperately wanted him and Jaemin to get along. Jaemin had sighed, rolled his eyes and told her that he didn’t need to get along with the boyfriend of his fiancés best friend because it may not last. His comment had been met with a scoff and even bigger eye roll, and a good telling off. 

Jeno had been wearing an all pink suit and had striking bleach blonde hair to match his girlfriend Yeeun. The first thing Jaemin noticed, however, was his dazzling smile. He blamed the alcohol he’d already consumed for the way his heart thumped as Jeno grinned and shook his hand and introduced himself. Jaemin’s fiancé, Yeri, had previously met Jeno but had squealed in excitement regardless, ranting about how gorgeous they both looked in their matching outfits and hair, then complaining to Jaemin about how they should’ve made more of an effort to look matching because, after all, it was their engagement party. 

The two girls ended up being swept away by their seemingly endless number of friends. Jaemin had also invited a lot of his long time friends, but they all seemed too occupied with the alcohol and food available to focus on Jaemin, not that he minded, he was used to it. However, it meant he was left along with Jeno. 

It’s always awkward meeting someone new who you know nothing about for the first time.

“So...how did you meet Yeeun?” Jaemin began, taking another sip of his drink and avoiding Jeno’s direction by looking out into the rest of the party. Jeno chuckled quietly.

“Tinder actually. We clicked pretty quickly though. What about you and Yeri?” 

“We met in college. Got together in our second year and we’ve been together ever since.” Hummed Jaemin, still not being able to look in Jeno’s direction. He was intimidated, Jaemin justified to himself, intimidated by his fashion sense, that’s why he couldn’t look in his direction. 

“Together for four years then? That’s a long time.” 

Jaemin wasn’t sure what Jeno was insinuating by this comment. Was four years a long time? In the grand scheme of things, not really. Some of his friends had even told him he was rushing the engagement. He decided to finally look over at him, and boy he wished he hadn’t.

Nothing could have prepared him for the stare Jeno was giving him. It was so intense, like he was truly invested in their conversation, but also in Jaemin himself. He couldn’t help but notice how Jeno’s eyes flickered over his torso then quickly back to Jaemin’s face. Was he checking him out? 

Yeri hadn’t spoken about Jeno much, she’d just said how kind and caring of a person he was. He knew he’d been with Yeeun for about 8 months now, and that apparently was long enough to call them “long term.” Jaemin could already guess two things about Jeno. One, he most likely was putting on some facade in front of his fiancé and girlfriend, and two, he was definitely checking Jaemin out. The way he subtly licked his lips as Jaemin stuttered out a reply was too much for him to even look at him anymore.

“Yes it’s a long time I guess. I really love her though.” 

“Do you?”

The third thing Jaemin could guess about Jeno was that he was incredibly arrogant. Jaemin turned to face him, a look of disgust on his face. Jeno just stood there, amused.

“Of course I do. What kind of question is that? We’re getting married.” Jaemin made sure to emphasise ‘married’ and flash his engagement ring at Jeno, rolling his eyes and running a hand through his light brown hair. Jeno laughed quietly to himself. 

Jaemin did not like Jeno.

The second time they met was two months later, when Jaemin’s fiancé had insisted they all have a meal together. Of course, Jaemin hadn’t told her about Jeno’s snide remarks regarding their relationship, he didn’t want to put a strain on the friendship between her and Yeeun. He’d lied, of course, said they’d gotten along just fine. Now though, as he walked towards the table, he wished he hadn’t. 

Jeno’s hair was a new colour now, a light brown, and this time, as it wasn’t a fancy restaurant, he was just wearing casual clothes. His shirt was rather tight, Jaemin had noted, showing off his perfectly toned arms and chest. Jaemin gulped as he reluctantly sat opposite him. 

The two girls began a fast conversation, hugging and holding hands as if they hadn’t seen each other in years. Jaemin and Jeno, however, remained silent for a while, and Jaemin made a point to stare at the menu intensely. 

Jeno kicked his shin. Jaemin slowly looked up and was met with Jeno’s signature smirk, and he winked at him. Jaemin kicked him back, hard enough to make the other flinch. 

“Playing footsie are we?” Yeri laughed, taking hold of Jaemin’s hand and squeezing it. Jeno and Yeeun laughed along with her, but Jaemin just sighed. Jeno was a huge asshole.

After alcohol consumption, Jeno was even more of an asshole. If he wasn’t busy winking or making kissy faces at Jaemin, he was shoving his foot on any part of the others body he could reach. It drove Jaemin insane, they’d only been in the restaurant an hour but it already felt like a year. 

“What is your deal?” Jaemin retorted in a hushed tone, glaring at Jeno. Shrugging, Jeno twirled his shoe in a circle on Jaemin’s knee.

“Nothing. It’s just fun teasing you.”

That smirk. That damned smirk. The same smirk that made Jaemin’s heart do a somersault the first time they met now caused exactly the same reaction. 

It’s not like Jaemin wasn’t into guys. He knew he was bisexual, but he’d never actually been with a guy, or even fallen for a guy. Not that he’d fallen for Jeno, he barely knew him, and he was an asshole. He just happened to have gorgeous eyes and a handsome smile.

But Jaemin had an advantage.

“Maybe I should tease you back then.” Jaemin whispered, a grin on his face as he winked at Jeno and flicked his knee under the table. 

Jeno visibly gulped and leaned back. Jaemin’s advantage? He, too, had gorgeous eyes and a devilish smile.

The third time the two met was the week after, when the two boys were forced to be alone with each other in Jaemin’s apartment while their girlfriends spent the day shopping. Jaemin didn’t understand why that meant Jeno couldn’t just stay at his house the whole day, but it was whatever. 

Jeno sure did make himself comfortable pretty quickly. He spread himself out on Jaemin’s favourite armchair and proceeded to try and sleep. 

“Don’t you want to do anything?” Groaned Jaemin while he made them both coffee.

“Like what?” Jeno responded, unamused. Jaemin sighed and slammed their coffees on the table, enough to make Jeno sit up and open his eyes. 

“Look, our girlfriends want us to get along. I know you don’t like me, but we need to do this for them.” 

Jaemin has had enough of Jeno’s immature behaviour around him. It was time to be the bigger person. Slowly, Jeno stood up and moved next to Jaemin on the sofa, nodding.

“I actually do like you Jaemin.” He said quietly, his eyes staring down at his hands. This was the first time Jaemin had seen him not act, well, cocky. He now seemed shy in fact. Jeno’s comment and his now closeness to Jaemin caused his face to heat up. God, what was wrong with him? 

“O-oh...then, why are you an asshole?” Jaemin stuttered, attempting at shifting away so their thighs no longer touched. Jeno groaned and ran his hand through his hair. 

“I don’t know. Maybe cuz you make me feel weird.”

Jaemin didn’t know how to respond. Jeno often left him somewhat speechless. What did that mean? Did Jeno feel some sort of attraction to him like Jaemin did? If that was the case, it was weird because they barely knew each other, yet they seemed to want to get closer. 

“Weird? In what way?” Jaemin tried his best to make his voice seem neutral. 

Jeno just shrugged.

“I feel like I know you.”

“You do.”

“No.” Jeno sighed and leaned in closer to Jaemin. “I feel like we should be close.” 

Jaemin scoffed. He’d only ever met Jeno twice in his life and he was very sure of it. He would remember being close with a handsome guy like him. 

“What?!” Jeno questioned, an alarmed tone in his voice. 

Oh fuck.

“Did I say that out loud?!” Jaemin almost yelled, jumping up and running into the kitchen away in embarrassment. Well, there goes any possible friendship, Jaemin thinks. Jeno laughs loudly, a laugh Jaemin hadn’t heard before, but it was definitely a warm one. Not laced with bitterness and arrogance like his other laughs.

“You think I’m handsome huh?” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Yelled Jaemin, refusing to leave the kitchen. 

Jeno decided to take matters into his own hands. He paced into the kitchen, managing to pin Jaemin into a corner, his hands on either side of the boys torso. They’d never been this close before. If Jaemin leaned even a tiny bit forward to escape, he’d probably kiss him by accident.

“Get off of me Jeno.” Jaemin mumbled, his head turning as far away to the left of Jeno as he could get. Jeno chuckled, and placed a hand on Jaemin’s waist. 

“I think you’re handsome too.” 

“Oh really?”

“Definitely.”

“Prove it.”

Jaemin didn't know why he did what he did next. Spur of the moment? The undeniable sexual tension in the air? None of it seemed to matter when he had Jeno’s lips pressed against his own. The way Jeno, without even hesitating, reciprocated the kiss, deepening it and even daring to slip his tongue inside the other’s mouth. 

Jaemin was on fire. His hands found their way up Jeno’s back, gripping onto his shirt like his life depended on it. Jeno let out a small gasp when Jaemin dragged his nails down the small of his back, and he responded by biting down on Jaemin’s bottom lip and sucking it. 

Five minutes of this had felt like an eternity. Their crotches pressed up against each other and the way Jeno began to grind against the other was enough for Jaemin to finally put a stop to it.

“Jeno…” Jaemin sighed, breathlessly, pushing him away slightly but not letting go of his shirt. 

“We need to stop.” 

Jeno nodded in agreement and pulled away from the other. They looked each other up and down. Jaemin noted how flushed Jeno looked, his cheeks a deep red and his hair a mess. Jaemin forgot he had ran his hands through it. That could be an issue.

There was a bigger issue at hand, though. What the fuck had just happened?

“Why did we just-“ Jaemin began, panic hitting him with such a force he lost his ability to stand still. The guilt came in a quick second, and the pang in his chest hit harder than he’d ever felt. 

Yeri. His first serious girlfriend. His fiancé. His soon to be wife. He’d just cheated on her with another man. Her best friend’s boyfriend, to be exact. 

Jeno looked just as panicked as Jaemin felt. His eyes widened and he dashed back into the living room where the two had left their coffees to grow cold. 

“You kissed me first.” Jeno groaned as Jaemin joined him on the couch. 

Jaemin couldn’t deny that. He didn’t understand why he’d done it. His head was clouded with too many emotions to even sort them out.

“Are you unhappy in your relationship?” Jeno questioned, his voice rather quiet. Looking over at him, Jaemin noticed that he looked rather regretful after saying that, and he didn’t dare look in Jaemin’s direction. 

Perhaps he was unhappy. Jaemin often pushed aside his own feelings for the sake of others. He had really loved his fiancé, at first. His friends always told him he was settling down too young, he hadn’t had enough time to see who was out there for him. He always shot them down, but some nights when he’d laid in bed with his soon to be wife, his mind couldn’t help but ponder on the ‘what if’s.’ 

Jaemin looked over at Jeno again. What if they had met under different circumstances? Jaemin hadn’t been engaged, Jeno wasn’t his fiancé’s best friend's boyfriend. Perhaps they could’ve been friends, maybe even more. Their attraction to each other was affirmed at this point, but of course, they couldn’t pursue it. 

“Am I a bad person if I say yes?” Jaemin finally replied, his head in his hands. Jeno awkwardly shuffled closer, patting Jaemin on the back.

“No. You’re a bad person if you continue to lie to her about it.” 

“This would crush her.” 

“Then don’t tell her.”

Jaemin’s breath hitched, and he couldn’t bear to keep his head up anymore. His body lurched forward onto the floor, he felt so numb he could cry, yet no tears came out. Jeno rubbed his back gently.

He felt numb. But for some reason, he knew Jeno was right. He would never tell her. 

Their meet-ups became a weekly occurrence after that. Their girlfriends had been thrilled they’d bonded so well, and were more than happy to give them whole days to themselves. 

Jaemin’s pit of guilt in his stomach was a permanent feeling now, and it burned every night in bed when he told his fiancé he loved her, but it sparked like a firework when Jeno fucked Jaemin in the same bed. 

Neither of them knew why or how things had escalated so quickly, but Jaemin got high off the thrill of it. Being with Jeno was different. It turns out they did have quite a bit in common, especially things they liked to do in bed. For starters, they both had a thing for biting, and that didn’t stop Jeno leaving marks on the inner of Jaemin’s thighs because he knew his fiancé wouldn’t see them from that angle. They played a dangerous game. 

A few times over the next few months this went on for, they’d sat down and Jaemin tried to stop it all, tried to understand why they did it, but that just lead to more tension, and more sex. 

Jaemin discovered more about Jeno in those conversations. He could see just from the way he spoke about his girlfriend that he didn’t love her, he doubted he’d ever loved her. Jeno seemed less guilty than Jaemin, and Jaemin could tell Jeno had done something like this before. He’d always called people like Jeno bad people because how could you betray someone’s trust in such an awful and terrible way? How could you do that to someone who loved you? Why not just break up with them?

But Jaemin had learned from his encounters with Jeno that human emotions and rational thinking wasn’t that simple. Hell, if it was, no one would cheat. And yet, people did, he did. And he couldn’t stop. 

Did Jaemin want to stop? Of course he did. He’d cried to himself at night, begging to feel something for Yeri again, but all he thought about when he kissed her was how Jeno kissed him. Of fucking course he’d caught feelings for him. Jaemin knew that they’d never go anywhere, though, because the minute Jeno was finished in between Jaemin’s legs he’d already be halfway out the door. There was no talking about feelings. Sometimes he’d stick around for a little longer, but most of the time, that was only because Jaemin had asked him to. 

“Do you still love me?”

It’s not like Jaemin hadn’t been expecting this conversation. The deeper Jeno was inside of him (literally), the more he’d distanced himself from Yeri. It was a year now. A year since their engagement party. He noticed her sad eyes, he could hear her change in tone when she told him she loved him, and he didn’t always say it back. Jaemin wished he could’ve been man enough to tell her the real reason. Jaemin wished many things. Would he take it back? Being with Yeri would’ve been easy. A loving girlfriend, a loving family in future. Jaemin thought he’d been ready for that. He’d thought wrong. 

“I don’t think so.” 

She’d cried for hours that night. Jaemin had tried to comfort her, tried to tell her he was doing his best, that they could get couples counselling, but of course he’d ended up on the sofa. And half an hour later, he was at Jeno’s. He didn’t know why he’d gone there, he didn’t know what to expect. He wouldn’t even call the two friends, but for some reason, he’d just wanted to see him.

“Jaemin? What are you doing here it’s like 1am?” Jeno had answered his door in just his boxers, and if Jaemin hadn't felt so upset with himself he would’ve been turned on.

“I told Yeri I don’t love her anymore.” 

Jeno took him inside. The two talked more that night than they ever had before. Just laying in Jeno’s bed, side by side, talking about feelings, talking about life. Jaemin learned more about Jeno’s past. How he found it hard to have a normal relationship due to his negligent parents and lack of friends in adolescent years, how he didn’t know how to love someone because of this, how one person was never enough because he’d never learnt how to truly form a bond. How every night as a child, for as long as he could remember, when his mum would be at work and his dad would bring other women home he’d tell Jeno it was “their little secret.” 

Jaemin felt awful for him. He understood why Jeno did what he did, not that it was right, but he could empathise with it.

“Have you not considered going to therapy? I mean, don’t you want to have a real relationship one day, like a family and kids?” Jaemin had questioned at a little past 4am. 

“There’s something quite jarring about having to tell a therapist that you cheat in every relationship you ever have and you’re not quite sure why.”

Jaemin began to respond, but Jeno continued.

“But even so, when I’m with you, I feel this overwhelming sense of possessiveness.” 

This wasn’t a confession, Jaemin knew that. But it was still enough to cause Jaemin to blush and gently rub his thumb on Jeno’s hand. 

“I hope that one day you can learn what love is, Jeno.” Jaemin smiled.

“Me too.” 

It wasn’t surprising for Jaemin to return the next morning and find all his stuff thrown out into the living room with boxes already tossed onto his clothes. He’d expected this at some point. 

His fiancé, well, he guessed now ex-fiancé was nowhere to be found. He knew she’d come back eventually, they’d have to discuss the lease on the house, where Jaemin was moving to and how to break the news to people. As he sat on the couch, staring at every piece of clothing he’d accumulated over the years he’d been with Yeri, he cried his heart out. Everything seemed to hit him at once now. The guilt, the embarrassment, the shame he felt for having fallen out of love with her. Everything. 

Jeno had taught Jaemin that he hadn’t loved his fiancé in a long time, he’d just needed to realise that. Just because someone is theoretically perfect, the perfect person, the perfect house and the perfect life, it doesn’t mean that it’s right. If it feels wrong, it shouldn’t continue. 

For the time being, Jaemin had been staying at his friend Renjun’s house. He hadn’t told him much, and Renjun didn’t want to pry either. His parents had been so disappointed, but they’d understood. Things happen in life, they were just glad their son hadn’t gotten married and then realised he didn’t love her anymore. 

“Jaemin, did you cheat on Yeri?” 

Jaemin nearly choked on his food. Him and Renjun were sat on the sofa eating pot noodles one night, and the question had caught him so off guard Renjun had to pat his back until he stopped coughing. 

“Why do you think I did that?” Jaemin avoided Renjun’s gaze, it’d be easier to lie that way. Jaemin had learned an awful lot about lying the last few months. 

“Because you told me you did the other night when we got drunk.” 

Jaemin froze. Fuck. He’d been avoiding drinking for that very reason, but just one night he’d wanted to forget about all his heart ache and guilt. Just one night couldn’t hurt, right? 

“Renjun I-“

“I’ve not mentioned it to you for a few days now because I wasn’t sure if I should or not, but how could you Jaemin? She loved you so fucking much. We’ve been best friends for years, and I never saw this coming. It hurt me, too, to know you’d been hiding some secret like this from me.” 

Renjun confronting him with it made it feel all the more real. When Jaemin was with Jeno, he’d always reassured him, always told him what he wanted to hear to make him feel better about the shitty thing he was doing, but now Renjun was blunt and cold. It was what Jaemin deserved. 

“I don’t know why I did it I just did.” Jaemin put down his food and turned to face Renjun. His friend looked hurt and angry at the same time, a face Jaemin had only seen him give to other people who pissed him off, but never to Jaemin.

“What the fuck do you mean you don’t know? There’s always a reason behind the decisions you make.” Renjun was right. It didn’t mean Jaemin was any less confused, though. 

“One minute we were arguing about something, I accidentally called him handsome and then we were making out. I can’t really explain it.” 

“Wait a minute, ‘him?’ It wasn’t even a girl?” For some reason, Renjun seemed livid now. Jaemin had come out to Renjun a few years ago, it hadn’t been a big deal. Why did he seem so angry now? 

“No Renjun, it wasn’t a girl. Why is that such a big deal?” Jaemin’s voice was now raised, and suddenly this quiet discussion between friends had turned into an argument. Renjun just laughs sarcastically in response.

“Way to give into the bisexual stereotype, Jaemin.” 

That stung. 

“I didn’t cheat because I’m bisexual I cheated because I wasn’t happy.” Jaemin groaned through gritted teeth. 

“Then why didn’t you just break up?” Renjun sighed, his voice lowering again. He seemed less angry now, and more disappointed. 

“I...because I’m a bad person and couldn’t face up to my emotions.” 

Renjun nodded, and put his arm around Jaemin in a comforting manner. He told him that they’d spend the next few hours talking about Jaemin’s emotions, something they’d never done before, because Renjun wanted to understand his friend better. Jaemin appreciated it. 

The last time Jaemin saw Jeno was after a long night of anger-fueled sex between them. Jaemin had turned up at Jeno’s house, like he usually did every Thursday night, and went to take out all his built up frustrations and hurt on Jeno. The other didn’t mind, he told Jaemin he liked it when he took control, but Jaemin knew that this had to come to an end. 

As Jeno lay fast asleep beside him, Jaemin contemplated his feelings. Maybe he loved Jeno, but he wasn’t sure if he even knew what love was anymore. Jeno knew how to treat him right in sex, he could hold a deep conversation for a while, they had a similar movie and music taste, but that was it. Perhaps the connection they’d imagined between them had just been something to excuse their poor behaviour. Perhaps it had just been an excuse for Jaemin to escape a situation he didn’t know how to get out of. 

Jaemin didn’t love Jeno. And Jeno certainly didn’t love him. He was only 24, he was still young, but he needed to get his life back on track. He’d finally managed to get his own place after a few months, increased his work hours and he was beginning to feel at peace again. 

Although it had been Jaemin who suggested Jeno go to a therapist, he himself decided to go to one in the end. He discussed and unearthed a lot of issues with his past relationship, issues with his own self esteem and specifically issues with Jeno. 

The way Jeno looked at him when he was deep inside of him, how he bit his lip and moaned out his name and muttered that he loved him over and over, Jaemin knew he was fucked in more ways than one. 

But he still didn’t love him. That possessiveness Jeno had talked about, that’s what he felt. What they had was too toxic to ever become what love is. It wasn’t what either of them deserved, either. 

Jeno had stopped sleeping with other people, not because of his own feelings, but just so Jaemin would let him fuck him without a condom. Their ‘friendship’ was twisted. 

“I’m ending this.” Jaemin had told Jeno the night before as he stood calmly at Jeno’s doorway. The elder rolled his eyes. They’d had this conversation many times over the past year. But this was it. 

“I’m serious.” Jaemin reiterated, stamping his foot in an attempt at making some sort of point. 

“Yeah? You look hot when you’re serious.” 

There was no point arguing with Jeno. Jaemin melted into his arms and back into his bed every goddamn time. He had him wrapped around his finger and Jeno knew it. 

“Are you seriously not gonna talk to me ever again?” Jeno groaned the next morning, reaching his hand over to pull Jaemin back down. Jaemin shook him off, nodding. 

“What am I to you, Jeno?” 

The silence that followed was deafening. Jaemin could practically hear the cogs turning in his head. Should I tell Jaemin I love him so he shuts up and stays? Should I tell him the truth? Those were the sort of questions Jaemin assumed he had.

“You’re my home.” 

That was an answer Jaemin hadn’t anticipated. 

“What the fuck does that mean?” Jaemin finally faced him, he couldn’t believe the look he was met with. For the first time in his life, or the first Jaemin had seen, Jeno looked genuinely upset, and his eyes even watery. 

“It means,” Jeno gulped, “you make me feel safe.” 

Jaemin shook his head, sighing loudly. 

“You know we can’t be in a relationship.” Jaemin retorted.

“Why not?”

“Because you don’t fucking love me.” He hadn’t realised how much built up anger he had towards the other until he finally let it all out. 

“First of all, you come into my life and ruin my relationship and my marriage. Then once you successfully accomplished that, you try and ruin any future relationship I could have by telling me you love me every fucking time we have sex and you have absolutely no remorse for it or how I feel even though I’ve never said it back.” 

There’s silence again, then another sigh, this time from Jeno. 

“You’re right, Jaemin. But that doesn’t mean I’m not serious about you this time. I want to try and make things work and-“ 

“Sort your fucking issues out in therapy first.” Jaemin knew that would sting him, Jeno definitely had something against therapy, and went on time and time again about how he didn’t need it. 

“Jaemin-“ 

“Leave me alone Jeno. I don’t care how long it takes just please get help because if you fuck up one more person’s head I swear to god…” Jaemin’s voice cracked, but he was determined not to cry. He had to be strong now. He had to leave Jeno. 

“I love you.” What a pathetic last attempt, Jaemin grimaced to himself. 

Maybe in another life, in another universe out there, the two could’ve worked out. But a relationship built on lies and secrets could never work out, at least not in Jaemin’s opinion anyway. 

“Goodbye Jeno.” 

That was the last time Jaemin ever saw Jeno. And it was better that way.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this isn’t very good but I had to get this out of my system, hope you enjoyed :)  
> New twitter: @ jaemnbby


End file.
